10 Ways to Get the Church’s Wifi Password

Some churches pass out their wifi code like they do bulletins.

Okay, no church with wifi calls worship guides “bulletins.” But, you get the point.

Other churches would rather be honest with their weekly attendance numbers than give out the wifi password. These churches feel it’s best to connect with people, focus on the Word, and worship. (What are they thinking? Don’t they realize what a perfectly placed Instagram post can do for their street cred?)

Unless the church has a functioning coffee house within its walls then providing free access to wifi is mandatory. It’s immoral and reckless to sell a cup of Joe without allowing one to peruse on their phone.

Some churches rely heavily on their wifi on a Sunday morning. They don’t want to overload their bandwidth, so they don’t give it out. This is a valid reason churches don’t but come on–this is the 21st century, and you are better than dipping into your data when perfectly good wifi is available.

Here’s how you get the password to the wifi:

1) Tithe online. Find a pastor and tell them you need help tithing online. Of course, you could use your data, but when the code screen comes up, they will be so excited they will punch it in for you.

2) YouTube with the youth pastor. Youth pastors are the mullets of the ministry world. Business in the front and party in the back. The youth pastor will give up the password for a good laugh.

3) Volunteer in the booth for a week. People who work in the sound booth or run other technology need access to these codes. Volunteer long enough to get the code and then skadoodle.

4) Befriend the pastor’s wife or kids. There is no way the pastor’s family is using data in the church. Get close to them, and the password is yours. Just know if the pastor’s kids aren’t adults, this is creepy.

5) Trick the worship pastor. This may be the easiest. Compliment the worship pastor on their good looks. Then say, “I was working out the other day and wishing I was as strong as you. A Hillsong tune came on, and I thought man, [insert worship pastor’s name] sings this so much better!” They won’t be able to resist. They’ll ask the name of the song. Unfortunately, the song is on your cloud that can only be accessed through wifi.

6) Be a back row bandit. If these fail, it’s time to go rogue. These shenanigans happen on the back row. Find someone nearby who you know doesn’t know much about technology. Make their phone a hotspot. Sure this might be wrong and desperate, but desperate times call for desperate measures. An hour and a half off of the grid classifies as one of those moments.

7) Find a layperson with wifi symbol. They are in the pews around you. Look for the wifi symbol on their phone. People who aren’t on staff have the code but shouldn’t. If you find one of these wifi lephracons, you can grab ahold of them and let them know if they don’t share the gold, you’re going to tell a pastor.

8) Try “Jesus1234.” Or “JesusSaves,” “JesusWept,” “GoodGoodFather,” “John3:16,” or “AndyStanleyRules.” Anything popular in Christianity is a good try. Don’t be afraid to spend the entire service guessing.

9) The answer to the offer. Pastors love people. If a pastor ever offers you, “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” Take them up on the offer and ask for the password.

10) Find a new church. A church growth model could be “Free Wifi.”

Don’t miss this! Once you get the code, TELL NO ONE.  Remember, conceal unless you pay the bill! If it gets out that people have the password, the leadership will change it.

Do you have any tips on finding out the church’s password to wifi?

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